Samples from an unpublished book

Sex

He wanted to be dominant. I never tried it. Roleplay. We chatted before. He turned me on. Also, I was afraid. I’ll be defenceless. He told me I wanted this because of my constant dominance. He could be right. I’m always the one who controlls. Now I’ll yield to him. He told me, what he’s going to do with me. I wanted it!
I prepped for the role. I was shaking with excitement when he arrived. He made me undress. He put a thick collar on me. Leash. He tied down the end. Went for a shower. I had to sit naked meanwhile. I’m a good dog!
He came back with a towel around his waist. He had a tasty, thin body. Sat down on the bed with legs apart. Opened up the towel.
‘Lick the master’s balls!’ he ordered me.
He picked up the leash. Pushed my head to his balls. I licked. He had swell ones. No speaking. Dogs don’t speak. I wanted to be a good dog. I licked his dick. He had a nice one. He held the leash. Sometimes tugged. Controlling. Reached under me.
‘Fuck the master’s hand!’
I fucked his hand. I was clumsy. He didn’t mind. I wanted to be a good dog! I licked his dick at length. Big strokes of tongue. He forgot his place for a while. Had a short suck. Reached under from behind. I felt the hair on his arms. He led me on the leash. I was a good dog. Came on my face. Cleaned it off. I couldnt’ve licked it off myself. Good dog. He held my cock. I rubbed it against his arm.
I came. I licked it off. He complimented me.
‘Good dog!’

Heart attack

I woke up. Wanted to scream. Not even a whimper came. I found the light switch. The sheet was stuck on me. The light wasn’t good. As if a slab of concrete was put on me.
I wanted to stand. To get some water. Calm down. I couldn’t. Somehow I rolled off the bed. Nausea was overwhelming. I was having shivers. Heatwaves flushed over me. Only a metre to the bathroom.
Took hours. The white tiles blinded me. Water felt good.
Pause.
I’m lying on the linoleum. It stank. I was lying in my own shit. Pissed myself too. The pain subsided. I grabbed the bathtub. My hand was slippery. Stood up. Didn’t feel like me. Everything was shifting. Sizes, colours.
Phone.
‘I think I had a heart attack.’
Told them the address. Dragged myself to the door. I can’t remember how I opened it.
People came in. Gurney. Medical bag.
‘We’ll take you to the hospital!’
I protested. Not like this. Covered in shit, ranking.
‘Yes like this. They’ve seen this.’
I protested. One of them took pity on me. Helped me into the tub. Cleansed the filth off me. Not pity. He didn’t want the car shitty. He retched. Me too. I held on by his neck. He covered me in a robe. The gurney didn’t fit in the escalator. They held me on both sides.
The wailing of the siren. A prick into my arm.
Pause.
‘Are you feeling better?’
Cold, harsh, high-pitched voice. Nurse.
‘No.’
Bip bip bip. I was laying naked. Cathater, infusion. Wires from my chest to the machine.
‘You’re in the hospital.’
Of course I’m there. My heart stopped, not my brain.
‘I’ll get the doctor.’
Looked to the side. Two old men, covered. Faces green.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Great.’
‘That’s good! You had a heart attack.’
‘Figured.’
‘Luckly it was very local.’
What could I say? Hurray? I remained silent. He kept listing things not to do.
‘You’ll stay today. Tomorrow we’ll get you another ward.’
‘I’m not staying.’
‘I didn’t ask.’
‘Those two are dead. I’m not staying.’
I sat up. It wasn’t easy.
‘Don’t! It is not allowed yet!’
‘My responsibility?’
Young doctor. Quite good-looking. Thin, nice mouth. His face was pounding. He didn’t want to let me go. I fought for it in agony. He had no choice. The nurse got offended. He tore out the cathater. My dick hurt. I didn’t smack her. Should’ve.
Phone. Come, get me. They already knew what happened. One of them came. Brought clothes with him. Got the pills on the way back. The other cleaned up. It didn’t stink anymore. They bustled all around me. Food. Pillow behind my back.
I wanted a fag. Coffee. Stillness. Him.